fake plastic words

Why I've been MIA and why my posts are getting lesser and a notch more boring:

5:13 PM
Categories: everyday, narcissism, random. Author: sleepwalker

11:27 PM
Categories: books, everyday, literature, random. Author: sleepwalker

A few years ago, some friends and I went downtown for a class assignment. On the way back we planned to get some DVDs to go back home and watch. We passed by a street vendor and decided to browse through. After what seemed like an hour or so, we got a bunch of stuff. Including porn. So we went home and put on the first CD. We waited and waited, and a guy come on screen. So, okay, and we waited some more. And another guy appeared. "Oh a menage a trois!", we thought. Complete oblivious fools we were, and we waited and waited like patient Buddhist monks. And suddenly, the both of them got naked and went into the bathtub. By then the rest of my friends shrieked like a bunch of high school girls and yelled in perfect unison "Shit! Gay porn!". So apparently those uber expensive "special" DVDs were fake after all. Fucking wankers.

9:04 PM
Categories: everyday, incident, past, rant, stories, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

There's a picture of me half naked covered in whipped cream. Another picture of me wearing nothing but a girl's hot pants. And another one of me half naked in a towel and my underwear on my head. And a mugshot of my bare ass bending over. All of which are not in my possession. Cun gila!

11:44 PM
Categories: everyday, exhibitionism, idiocy, nonsense, nudity, random, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

12:48 AM
Categories: everyday, friends, funny, memories, nonsense, random, stories, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

1:15 AM
Categories: everyday, rant, thoughts. Author: sleepwalker

I was just thinking. And I realised that I didn't do anything significant on 080808. I didn't even notice the day passing, much less remember anything worthy to take note of. It was supposed to be the day of all days, especially if I'm Chinese. Well, I'm sort of quarter Chinese, so I should be at least a quarter bit excited, no? But I completely forgot about it. I would've done wonders. Decades later I'd sit my grandsons down and tell them what a magnificent day 080808 was, and all the amazing things I did that day. But of course, I'll have to erase this shameful post before they learn how to read (not to mention find a girl, fall in love, marry, knock her up, etc, before I start putting names on my imaginary grandkids).

Well. For the fact that I'm writing this 12 days too late says it all. The truth is that I have much more important things to do. I am far too busy, tired, drained, devastated, in perpetual gloom, bored, and lazy, that I can't think of anything else to write about other than this completely useless post.

I want a tattoo.

12:15 AM
Categories: everyday, nonsense, random, stupidity, thoughts. Author: sleepwalker

If only I didn't cut my hair and kept my overgrown curling locks, I would've been a few hundred bucks richer. The casting agency hasn't called me for the longest time, can you blame me?

If only I don't have classes on this Friday morning, and the pre-arranged afternoon drive down to Port Dickson, I would've been a few hundred bucks richer. The casting agency hasn't called me for the longest time, can you blame me?

If only I still have my overgrown curling locks, skip class on Friday and just drive down to Port Dickson later at night, I would've had gotten enough dough to get my (sort of dream) Tamron lens that I've been dying to get for the longest time. Or at the very least some extra much needed camera gadgets.

Tuhan tak sayang aku ke?

Sedih okay?

Sedih.

On a separate note, freelancing photo jobs have been falling on my lap for the past couple of weeks. Crazy, overloaded college assignments aside, August till mid September (and maybe God willing October and December as well) might just be the busiest times for me ever. And I can't even begin to talk about dozens of amazing upcoming events that I'm dying to go for. Butterfingers Kembali showcase is top in the list, naturally.

Tuhan sayang aku kot.

Happy okay?

Happy.

But then again, at least half of my upcoming assignments, events and jobs are clashing like mad. How to manage lah? I'm already more fickle than I should be. Even choosing one job (studies aside) will be a major, major undertaking. If I missed any of the upcoming events this month and the next, I will surely die, from self-strangulation. Plus, I'm still waiting for Envy Magazine to come back to me with confirmation of articles to be submitted for their upcoming issues. And there's way plenty more other nonsense that I can't recall from the top of my head now.

So, apakah conclusion nya?

Tuhan sayang aku ke tak ni?

Mungkin tak. Sebab aku manusia yang amat jahil. Tapi, aku rasa aku orang yang agak baik juga. Walaupun aku hampir tak pernah sembahyang 5 kali sehari, sembahyang Jumaat pun tak ingat bila kali terakhir pergi, puasa pon tunggang-langgang, dan lain-lain lagi perkara haram yang aku selalu sangat buat. Tapi macam mana pula dengan benda-benda baik yang mendatangkan banyak pahala yang aku dah banyak sangat buat?

Maybe God is telling me:

1. "You've been a bad, bad boy, so I'm gonna screw you up nicely"
2. "You've been a (relatively) good boy, so I'll give you some perks"
3. "Qadaq dan Qadar, paham-paham saja lah"

Bak kata pepatah P. Ramlee, "Cobaan".

8:12 PM
Categories: butterfingers, casting, college, envy magazine, events, everyday, port dickson, predicaments, random, rant, stupidity, trip. Author: sleepwalker

My dad woke me up too early and handed me a new Guess watch this morning. Barely awake and yawning to no end, I strapped it on and fell asleep again.

Later that afternoon, I went around Bangsar to run some errands, do some shopping, and eat some food. Round and round I went, gleefully doing imaginary skips in my head, strutting down the mall in front of glossy windows with that ever seductive word SALE spanked everywhere, with plastic bags of new clothes (gasp!) hanging down my girlishly skinny wrists.

We went for one last round of window shopping, since the previous trips left me almost broke. Almost, but enough for next week I'm sure. Shoes shoes shoes here I come! Anyway. I drove back home, went upstairs and said hi to my parents who coolly said to me, "This is not our house anymore. We're moving to a new one in a few months time". I see.

So, I proceeded to my room, unloaded the bags, and realised that something's missing. I ran back to the car and threw everything out, short of stripping the entire car bare. Seats, steering wheel, carpets, and yes, even the cup holders. After a good sweaty 20 minutes of pillaging the car, I gave up. That was it. I lost it. My fucking favourite watch. The old one that I swapped to give way for the new one my dad gave me. I must have left it at any one of the three shops, at least.

Morning, I get a new watch. Afternoon, I lose my old watch. Both are of the same brand and both in the same colour. What are the odds?

2:30 AM
Categories: everyday, narcissus, rant, shopping, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

I've been staring at this space for awhile now, long enough that I will not divulge such useless information that'll potentially embarrass myself.

The past couple of weeks or so have been comfortably busy for me. Not too little, not too much. I have so much to write I'm sure I'd forget at least half of it after typing out the first few sentences. It brings me great shame to say that it has happened before. No kidding.

I bought an overpriced notebook to jot down details that I might forget. Daily going ons, random phrases, one liners, conversations, names and numbers, quotes from books, and everything else. But what's the use of that when I constantly forget that I have a notebook to begin with? Well, at least I have something pretty and 'intellectual' looking lying around in my room to make me feel 'smart' and sort of 'responsible', no?

Today is my Irritable Day. Almost every other thing has irritated me on at least one occasion today. Those cinema copy DVDs my dad bought (few months earlier he bought a Blu-Ray player, go figure), shitty cigarettes, cold lasagna, driving, being forced to watch Hellboy 2 for the second time, my camera, the internet, my hair, the weather, well, should I go on?

I'm already starting to scratch that constellation of semi-invinsible micropimples on my forehead. If you knew me at all, you'd know that's a bad sign. And if I were to be holding up that sign, it'll say Back the Fuck Off, Fuckwad. And that's me being polite. Kind of.

I think I should stop here.

I'll be Bach soon.

11:57 PM
Categories: everyday, narcissism, nonsense, random, rant. Author: sleepwalker

I was spring cleaning my room last week. Underneath piles of rubbish and beneath my dusty bed I found stacks of papers from past college notes to poetry print outs, old sketchbooks, post-its, forgotten books, scratched CDs and 90s cassettes, incense burners, faded receipts and movie stubs, snacks, worn out clothes, pieces of architecture models, empty paper bags and various paintings. And it suddenly struck me. I remember now.

Few years ago, as I was cleaning up my room, I threw away my Monet painting.

What a fucking idiot.

3:07 AM
Categories: everyday, memorabillia, memories, monet, painting, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

Listening to: DJ Shadow - Midnight in a Perfect World

We went for a few rounds of pick up games the other night. Got handed some nice thrashing by the local Chinese boys. I'm standing firm on my excuse that I haven't played basketball for the longest time, hence, the thrashing. We were hanging by the sidelines having a smoke when Jambu Boy asked me,

Jambu Boy: Dude, kenapa six packs kau senget sebelah?
Me: Sebab aku cacat.
Setan-tapi-kerja-TV9-bahagian-Agama Boy: Direct jawab. (sambil tersengih sinis)

I've been working out (almost) everyday to achieve a body sculpted like the guys on Men's Health. It's a long shot, I know. But worth trying nonetheless. Miracles do happen, y'know. Exercising does make me feel good. Though that's not nearly the point. Even though my stick thin frame might never look good on a men's underwear catalogue, for me, asal syok sendiri sudah. Personal satisfaction, baby.

7:07 PM
Categories: basketball, conversations, everyday, fitness, friends, narcissism, sports. Author: sleepwalker