fake plastic words

A few years ago, some friends and I went downtown for a class assignment. On the way back we planned to get some DVDs to go back home and watch. We passed by a street vendor and decided to browse through. After what seemed like an hour or so, we got a bunch of stuff. Including porn. So we went home and put on the first CD. We waited and waited, and a guy come on screen. So, okay, and we waited some more. And another guy appeared. "Oh a menage a trois!", we thought. Complete oblivious fools we were, and we waited and waited like patient Buddhist monks. And suddenly, the both of them got naked and went into the bathtub. By then the rest of my friends shrieked like a bunch of high school girls and yelled in perfect unison "Shit! Gay porn!". So apparently those uber expensive "special" DVDs were fake after all. Fucking wankers.

9:04 PM
Categories: everyday, incident, past, rant, stories, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

There's a picture of me half naked covered in whipped cream. Another picture of me wearing nothing but a girl's hot pants. And another one of me half naked in a towel and my underwear on my head. And a mugshot of my bare ass bending over. All of which are not in my possession. Cun gila!

11:44 PM
Categories: everyday, exhibitionism, idiocy, nonsense, nudity, random, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

"The National Fatwa Council will come out with a ruling on yoga exercise on Friday"

I get that Yoga is an important philosophical and spiritual component in Buddhism and Hinduism. And I get that Islam rejects worshiping idols and statues, and that most Hindu statues depicts their gods in a state of Yogic meditation (sitting crossed legs, with both hands rested on each knee). So, I suppose, that's the rationale behind National Fatwa Council's move to ban Muslims from practicing Yoga. It all boils down to the practice of Yoga's close links to the two religions. I mean, anything non-Muslim is pure evil right? Even though Buddhism is the only religion in the history of mankind to have never exercised violence in the name of religion, they're still pure evil. Right?

"When those involved take them as trends, such cultures can lead to a serious crime according to Syariah law and this can destroy the family institution", said Datuk Wan Mohamad Sheikh Abdul Aziz.

I have to agree with him. There is no doubt that practicing Yoga, sitting crossed legged like a Hindu god, stretching arms and legs, and controlling your breathing, will lead you astray from the teachings of Islam, castrate yourself from your family and the rest of Muslim brothers and sisters, and eventually shake the very foundations of Islam. Mimicking any action that is similar to anything other than Islam can "lead to a serious crime". It is also quite "trendy" to take up an activity such as Yoga, therefore this "cult" has a potential to convince Muslims to deviate from the teachings of Islam. Yes, stretching limbs and breathing can actually be that seductive, powerful and evil.

I would like to propose to the National Fatwa Council to include in a few more in their what-to-ban-next-because-we-ain't-got-shit-to-do list. These additions might help feed their boredom, those poor old foggies.

The Council should take these into account as well,

- Television
- Internet
- Non-Islamic clothing
- Magazines
- Music performances
- Cinemas
- Non-Islamic books
- Close relationships to non-Muslims
- Intimate conversations with non-Muslims
- and many, many, many, many, many, many more.

There are just too many things that are plaguing the Muslim community. The evil Western culture has infiltrated into the minds and souls of our young ones through mediums such as the Internet, television, magazines, and concerts. Even if you're an Ustaz or Ustazah with a vast knowledge of Islam and having an iman as tough as diamonds, demonic activities such as Yoga can still lead you astray and ultimately send you to Hell for all eternity.

Islamic councils worldwide must join forces and erase all these terrible, terrible demons (e.g. technology). We must save ourselves and our souls. For the sake of our family and fellow Muslim brothers and sisters.

And the only way that we can ever flourish and eventually book a one-way ticket to Heaven is to nuke our asses back to the 4th century BC. Where our only form of amusement is juggling rocks, riding camels and peeing in the river. There won't be television nor the Internet to tarnish our beliefs. There won't be any dangerous activities to lead us astray.

Especially, Yoga.

p/s: Remember kids, if we ever become evil, it is never our fault, but always someone or something else's fault. Especially the kafirs.

3:19 PM
Categories: fatwa, heresy, idiocy, islam, muslim, nonsense, random, rant, stupidity, yoga. Author: sleepwalker

12:48 AM
Categories: everyday, friends, funny, memories, nonsense, random, stories, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

I was just thinking. And I realised that I didn't do anything significant on 080808. I didn't even notice the day passing, much less remember anything worthy to take note of. It was supposed to be the day of all days, especially if I'm Chinese. Well, I'm sort of quarter Chinese, so I should be at least a quarter bit excited, no? But I completely forgot about it. I would've done wonders. Decades later I'd sit my grandsons down and tell them what a magnificent day 080808 was, and all the amazing things I did that day. But of course, I'll have to erase this shameful post before they learn how to read (not to mention find a girl, fall in love, marry, knock her up, etc, before I start putting names on my imaginary grandkids).

Well. For the fact that I'm writing this 12 days too late says it all. The truth is that I have much more important things to do. I am far too busy, tired, drained, devastated, in perpetual gloom, bored, and lazy, that I can't think of anything else to write about other than this completely useless post.

I want a tattoo.

12:15 AM
Categories: everyday, nonsense, random, stupidity, thoughts. Author: sleepwalker

If only I didn't cut my hair and kept my overgrown curling locks, I would've been a few hundred bucks richer. The casting agency hasn't called me for the longest time, can you blame me?

If only I don't have classes on this Friday morning, and the pre-arranged afternoon drive down to Port Dickson, I would've been a few hundred bucks richer. The casting agency hasn't called me for the longest time, can you blame me?

If only I still have my overgrown curling locks, skip class on Friday and just drive down to Port Dickson later at night, I would've had gotten enough dough to get my (sort of dream) Tamron lens that I've been dying to get for the longest time. Or at the very least some extra much needed camera gadgets.

Tuhan tak sayang aku ke?

Sedih okay?

Sedih.

On a separate note, freelancing photo jobs have been falling on my lap for the past couple of weeks. Crazy, overloaded college assignments aside, August till mid September (and maybe God willing October and December as well) might just be the busiest times for me ever. And I can't even begin to talk about dozens of amazing upcoming events that I'm dying to go for. Butterfingers Kembali showcase is top in the list, naturally.

Tuhan sayang aku kot.

Happy okay?

Happy.

But then again, at least half of my upcoming assignments, events and jobs are clashing like mad. How to manage lah? I'm already more fickle than I should be. Even choosing one job (studies aside) will be a major, major undertaking. If I missed any of the upcoming events this month and the next, I will surely die, from self-strangulation. Plus, I'm still waiting for Envy Magazine to come back to me with confirmation of articles to be submitted for their upcoming issues. And there's way plenty more other nonsense that I can't recall from the top of my head now.

So, apakah conclusion nya?

Tuhan sayang aku ke tak ni?

Mungkin tak. Sebab aku manusia yang amat jahil. Tapi, aku rasa aku orang yang agak baik juga. Walaupun aku hampir tak pernah sembahyang 5 kali sehari, sembahyang Jumaat pun tak ingat bila kali terakhir pergi, puasa pon tunggang-langgang, dan lain-lain lagi perkara haram yang aku selalu sangat buat. Tapi macam mana pula dengan benda-benda baik yang mendatangkan banyak pahala yang aku dah banyak sangat buat?

Maybe God is telling me:

1. "You've been a bad, bad boy, so I'm gonna screw you up nicely"
2. "You've been a (relatively) good boy, so I'll give you some perks"
3. "Qadaq dan Qadar, paham-paham saja lah"

Bak kata pepatah P. Ramlee, "Cobaan".

8:12 PM
Categories: butterfingers, casting, college, envy magazine, events, everyday, port dickson, predicaments, random, rant, stupidity, trip. Author: sleepwalker

My dad woke me up too early and handed me a new Guess watch this morning. Barely awake and yawning to no end, I strapped it on and fell asleep again.

Later that afternoon, I went around Bangsar to run some errands, do some shopping, and eat some food. Round and round I went, gleefully doing imaginary skips in my head, strutting down the mall in front of glossy windows with that ever seductive word SALE spanked everywhere, with plastic bags of new clothes (gasp!) hanging down my girlishly skinny wrists.

We went for one last round of window shopping, since the previous trips left me almost broke. Almost, but enough for next week I'm sure. Shoes shoes shoes here I come! Anyway. I drove back home, went upstairs and said hi to my parents who coolly said to me, "This is not our house anymore. We're moving to a new one in a few months time". I see.

So, I proceeded to my room, unloaded the bags, and realised that something's missing. I ran back to the car and threw everything out, short of stripping the entire car bare. Seats, steering wheel, carpets, and yes, even the cup holders. After a good sweaty 20 minutes of pillaging the car, I gave up. That was it. I lost it. My fucking favourite watch. The old one that I swapped to give way for the new one my dad gave me. I must have left it at any one of the three shops, at least.

Morning, I get a new watch. Afternoon, I lose my old watch. Both are of the same brand and both in the same colour. What are the odds?

2:30 AM
Categories: everyday, narcissus, rant, shopping, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

I was spring cleaning my room last week. Underneath piles of rubbish and beneath my dusty bed I found stacks of papers from past college notes to poetry print outs, old sketchbooks, post-its, forgotten books, scratched CDs and 90s cassettes, incense burners, faded receipts and movie stubs, snacks, worn out clothes, pieces of architecture models, empty paper bags and various paintings. And it suddenly struck me. I remember now.

Few years ago, as I was cleaning up my room, I threw away my Monet painting.

What a fucking idiot.

3:07 AM
Categories: everyday, memorabillia, memories, monet, painting, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

Giovanna is an idiot.

Even Antonio, her fellow Itallian, can't stand her. Fira wants to punch her face in and Ina wants to kick her out of the house.

I've a feeling Giovanna is an Aries. Stubborn, argumentative, strong willed, and somewhat entertaining. She can be funny sometimes, but most of the time she's just plain nasty. She's a selfish demanding diva who does whatever the hell she wants whenever she wants without care nor regard for anyone around her. Apparently simple courtesy doesn't exist in her dictionary. Though among all of her utmost "admirable" qualities, the biggest one is definitely her inability to respond to common sense. How do you deal with someone who constantly complains about everything under the sun and insults your country, people, weather, food, architecture, culture, traditions and religion? How do possibly argue with a Roman Catholic who says things like "Nobody in Italy reads the Bible, it's only there for show". Even Zakir Naik would eventually give up arguing with her. Ahmadeedat? He'd just stab her to death with blunt chopsticks.

Honestly, I love dealing with difficult characters. I enjoy the conflict and the endless debates. People like Giovanna are like old, grumpy, sexually abused Persian cats. Nothing in the world can possibly please them. They're almost never not angry. They're picky and demanding. They hiss at you when they don't get what they want. They're zenophobic. They live alone and eventually, probably, die alone.

But of course, it's not easy being an unattractive sexually repressed 30 year-old mat salleh female in a local government university. Especially when you go to class wearing a white singlet with no bra on.

Tip: If you don't want to die a lonely old spinster (with no cats, because they hate you so much they'd drown themselves in the washing machine), try not to be a hard headed nihilist cynic who complains about everything because you're too perfect. Also, when you're doing your Masters don't major in Stupidity. It really doesn't help when you're ugly, stupid and hateful. Definitely not a winning combo.

3:01 AM
Categories: cynic, friends, ignorance, itallian, malaysia, non-fiction, rant, stories, stupidity. Author: sleepwalker

It's easy to rally against someone when you don't even know half of the true story. Isn't it foolish to rage and rant over something you don't even know half of what is really going on? Like a child scolding the fire because it burnt his hand. Like a cat hissing at the glass door because it ran into it. Like an idiot leading the blind.

Assumptions are such easy things. Such convenient tools to manipulate to our own likings, to our own wants, to our own simple desires. For want of being right. For want of being the victim. Isn't it easy being a victim? All you need is to assume fictionalized stories, imagine stupendously mad scenarios, cry foul, and roll all over the floor. And of course everyone else would rally behind you, irregardless of the truth. Because in the end of the day we're all humans, no? And humans are sometimes stupid, no?

Some people forget that in the end of the day, we're all humans. If you're looking for perfection, if you're looking to be right every single time, if you're looking for a permanent shelter to all your tears and sorrows, you're looking at all the wrong places. Perfection doesn't exist, just a modest reminder. It's most unfortunate that we would always look at all the things gone wrong rather than everything else that have gone right.

You climb a thousand stairs, miss a step and come tumbling down a thousand steps to the ground. What would most people rather pay attention to? Well, why would they care for that thousand steps you took? Why would they care for all the right things you did, for all the effort you put in, for everything you did to do your very best? They would only care that you faltered. That you came crashing down, breaking every bone in your body, burnt to crisp. And there they are, standing tall with their self-righteous smiles, pissing on your ashes. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside out.

Isn't it convenient to be selfish? Isn't it convenient to forget that maybe, just maybe, the rest of us are going through our own hell? That sometimes certain things aren't meant to be spoken. For reasons that can't even be uttered to begin with. And maybe, just maybe, in a matter of time it will be spoken of. In the end of the day, we're all strangers. It's just a matter of to what degree, to what extent. You may know yourself, but maybe not entirely yet. You may know your friends, but maybe, no, most definitely, not entirely. We're all strangers. This is life. This is the real world. Deal with it.

Lies, lies, lies.
There's only so much I can take.
One day, sooner or later, I'll break.

8:02 PM
Categories: foes, friends, ignorance, immaturity, lies, people, rant, stupidity, thoughts. Author: sleepwalker