Two Worlds

Two Worlds

I'm Supposed to be Cutting Cardboards but I Can't Breathe

I was just thinking. And I realised that I didn't do anything significant on 080808. I didn't even notice the day passing, much less remember anything worthy to take note of. It was supposed to be the day of all days, especially if I'm Chinese. Well, I'm sort of quarter Chinese, so I should be at least a quarter bit excited, no? But I completely forgot about it. I would've done wonders. Decades later I'd sit my grandsons down and tell them what a magnificent day 080808 was, and all the amazing things I did that day. But of course, I'll have to erase this shameful post before they learn how to read (not to mention find a girl, fall in love, marry, knock her up, etc, before I start putting names on my imaginary grandkids).

Well. For the fact that I'm writing this 12 days too late says it all. The truth is that I have much more important things to do. I am far too busy, tired, drained, devastated, in perpetual gloom, bored, and lazy, that I can't think of anything else to write about other than this completely useless post.

I want a tattoo.

Oh Crap, Oh Yeah Baby, Hot Damn!

If only I didn't cut my hair and kept my overgrown curling locks, I would've been a few hundred bucks richer. The casting agency hasn't called me for the longest time, can you blame me?

If only I don't have classes on this Friday morning, and the pre-arranged afternoon drive down to Port Dickson, I would've been a few hundred bucks richer. The casting agency hasn't called me for the longest time, can you blame me?

If only I still have my overgrown curling locks, skip class on Friday and just drive down to Port Dickson later at night, I would've had gotten enough dough to get my (sort of dream) Tamron lens that I've been dying to get for the longest time. Or at the very least some extra much needed camera gadgets.

Tuhan tak sayang aku ke?

Sedih okay?


On a separate note, freelancing photo jobs have been falling on my lap for the past couple of weeks. Crazy, overloaded college assignments aside, August till mid September (and maybe God willing October and December as well) might just be the busiest times for me ever. And I can't even begin to talk about dozens of amazing upcoming events that I'm dying to go for. Butterfingers Kembali showcase is top in the list, naturally.

Tuhan sayang aku kot.

Happy okay?


But then again, at least half of my upcoming assignments, events and jobs are clashing like mad. How to manage lah? I'm already more fickle than I should be. Even choosing one job (studies aside) will be a major, major undertaking. If I missed any of the upcoming events this month and the next, I will surely die, from self-strangulation. Plus, I'm still waiting for Envy Magazine to come back to me with confirmation of articles to be submitted for their upcoming issues. And there's way plenty more other nonsense that I can't recall from the top of my head now.

So, apakah conclusion nya?

Tuhan sayang aku ke tak ni?

Mungkin tak. Sebab aku manusia yang amat jahil. Tapi, aku rasa aku orang yang agak baik juga. Walaupun aku hampir tak pernah sembahyang 5 kali sehari, sembahyang Jumaat pun tak ingat bila kali terakhir pergi, puasa pon tunggang-langgang, dan lain-lain lagi perkara haram yang aku selalu sangat buat. Tapi macam mana pula dengan benda-benda baik yang mendatangkan banyak pahala yang aku dah banyak sangat buat?

Maybe God is telling me:

1. "You've been a bad, bad boy, so I'm gonna screw you up nicely"
2. "You've been a (relatively) good boy, so I'll give you some perks"
3. "Qadaq dan Qadar, paham-paham saja lah"

Bak kata pepatah P. Ramlee, "Cobaan".

Without You

Without You

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

What Do You Mean You're Getting Married?

There are a number of latest trends that I can think of from the top of my head; indie music at clubs, Paddle Pop-ish sakit mata nu rave, Bahasa Malaysia, blogging, *cough* DSLRs *cough*, DIY clothing labels, anything Agyness wears, and last but not least, early marriages.

At first I thought I was just blowing up minuscule statistics into dinosaur proportions. But after years of hearing "Wei aku kahwin hujung tahun", "Did you know they're getting hitched already?", "I tunang lagi 2 bulan", "Oh fuck she's pregnant", and many many more, I've come to the premature conclusion that yes, early marriage is the in-thing now. Not because it's cool, but because it's the sensible thing to do. Well, maybe it is a bit cool to be able to make sweet love with each other without worrying about getting barbecued later in the afterlife. Or having JAIS knock on your door while you're wheel barrowing. Or having to tell your dad "Oh fuck she's pregnant".

I think it's sad that marriage has become more of a convenience. A necessity in this expensively cruel world. Think about it. A fresh graduate who comes out with a diploma might get a starting pay of anywhere between RM1200-RM1800. A degree holder, about RM2000-RM2500. With a starting pay like that in that region, it's barely enough to comfortably survive. That of course taking into consideration the ever rising cost of living in KL (in an extreme case, condominiums surrounding KLCC are now priced no less than RM2000 per square feet, whereas barely 3 years ago it was in the region on RM700-800 per square feet), terrible public transportation system, messed up automobile industry, ever fluctuating global prices of oil, poor governance by the ruling party, over saturated job markets, well, I'm sure we all know the list goes on for much, much further.

Think about rent or property purchase; landed or condo, far away in No Man's Land where it's dirt cheap or nearer to town where it's convenient but too expensive? Think about transportation; unreliable but cheap local cars or pricey but a tad more reliable imported cars, drive and burn overpriced fuel or commute like sardines in shitty public transportation? Think about tax, food, utility bills, credit cards, insurance, health care. Think about savings. Think about how little cash you have left after making all the necessary payments for the month. Think about how you'll spend every month to relax; movies, retail therapy, shows, trips, etc. Most of which will be spent by swiping your beloved plastic card. Think about all the bills you need to settle, and think about your credit card bill. And if you have more than one, say three or four or more, may God bless your soul, think about your credit card bills. Bills with a capital S.

Over 90% of the population live like that. Bak kata pepatah Encik Azmyl, "Hidup sampai seratus, makan gaji".

With all that in mind, wouldn't it be easier if you lived with someone else and split the bills? Wouldn't it be that much more feasible to go by relatively comfortably with a joint income between two people? Especially if either one comes from a well-to-do family, preferably a dad who's a Tan Sri and owns half of KL. It makes complete economic sense. I don't blame girls for putting security above anything else. Especially in today's crazy dog eat dog, capitalist, chauvinist, and ever changing complex world we live in. We all need some helping hand, no? But that's just on money, albeit very briefly summarized. There is a lot of other issues but I can't be bothered to type them all out. Maybe next time.

This whole getting hitched early thing feels almost business like. Like a formulated ritual with predictable constants. Almost every single one of the people I've personally known who have gotten married or is in the process of, all follow more or less the same equation. First girlfriend, first love, first long term relationship, been together for at least 3 years, families get involved, and within the first year of graduating from university and landing their first jobs, *poof*, kahwin.

I often get lambasted by friends because whenever we hear of a mutual friend getting married I'm always the one that goes, "ZOMGWTF". I don't mean to be a killjoy and I'm far, far from jealous, because that's just ridiculously stupid. But as dreamy and aloof as I am, I do try to be realistic. Especially on a matters that is far from triffle.

I find it odd that most of the time the excuse I hear about why people get married so early is that:

1. They have been together for far too long, so alang-alang kahwin je lah kan?
2. So that they won't commit sins (personally, I think that is a mofo of an excuse)
3. Because the guy is already working, and can afford to take care of the girl

I think it's a sad thing when two people get married just because it's convenient. If that's the case, I would've gotten married years ago. And probably a few million other 20 year-olds as well. I think it's sad when people get married just to avoid from committing sins. Padahal sembahyang 5 waktu pon tak lepas. I think it's sad when people get married just because the guy can support the wife. I'm no chauvinist and neither am I a feminist, but I think far gone are the times that women can goyang kaki while men go out to the battlefields day in day out. Hello, this is the 21st century. Conveniently lupa is it?

In the end of the day, what matters most is that you make choices not for the sake of making choices. People should not get married just because they want to get married. There are those out there that are in love with the concept of marriage and raising kids. A minority, I hope. There's a fine line between wanting something and wanting someone. You marry because you want to get married to THAT person, not because you want to be in a marriage.

If and when I do find my ever elusive better half, I would marry her because I'm completely, utterly, devotedly in love with her. And because I want to spend every minute of my life with her until we're both wobbly and wrinkly. Because having conversations with her, smelling her scent, listening to her voice, and having her around completes my life.

Whoever that person is, she would be the only reason I will ever marry.

Not because it's convenient. Not because I'm poor. Not because her father is a Tan Sri and owns half of KL. Not because to avoid from committing sins. Not because I'm bored and lonely. Not because everyone else is getting married. Not because I sort of accidentally dialed for a mail order bride. And definitely, most definitely, not because it's the "in-thing" now. Because I'm already uber cool.

p/s: if you, my maybe-imaginary soulmate happen to be reading this, please e-mail me okay?