Sundae
My new favourite local act, Sundae.Watch, listen, and prepare to be utterly mesmerized.
Spontaneous Equations at 5am
She was sleeping when I called her. She woke up, and of all the fifty over songs in her playlist, Placebo's This Picture was playing. The call was exactly 13 minutes long and ended at 5.04am on 26-3-08.
Half of 26 is 13.
5 is after 4.
Half of 6 is 3.
The sum of 2 and 6 is 8.
Among those numbers there are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8. There's no number 7. Placebo's This Picture is the 7th song in my playlist that's currently playing. I called her for the first time after we made the deal to not contact each other at 1.42am. There's no number 3. In the "13 minutes, 5.04am, 26-3-08", number 3 appears twice. So altogether there are 3 number 3s. Yuna's Dan Sebenarnya, the song I'm listening to now as I'm typing this out, is the 3rd song in my playlist. The sum of 1, 4 and 2 is 7. The number 7 is the missing number in "13 minutes, 5.04am, 26-3-08" and Placebo's This Picture is the 7th song in my playlist.
I buzzed Bing online and he's watching Numbers on AXN.
Hmm.
Two People and A Couch
He asked me, "Would you like to go and see a clinical psychologist?"
I took a long pause... Dreaming of swimming in a rainbow pool of Prozac, Xanax, Valium, Zoloft, Lithium, Tramadol, Erimin, Subuxone, Stilnox, Nitrazepam, Lorazepam, and some sugar and spice. I thought about staring at the know-it-all doctor, reading every nuance of his poorly engineered body language. I thought about reading the script of what he'd say at least 2 minutes before it spits out of his mouth. I thought about the sky high fees he'd charge per hour, and imagined what I could buy with a few hundred Ringgit every hour. I thought about walking off at the end of the fruitless session and telling him, "Go to the wet market downtown, score yourself a tube, lose your mind, crawl through a breakdown, and then you're qualified to come talk to me".
After the longest silence, I said,
"Well... I think that wouldn't help much".
Your Momma
Kadang-kadang mulut aku memang macam sial. Perkataan seperti fuck, fucking, fucker, motherfucker, takkan terlepas dari vocabulary aku. Bila aku melatah, hampir tiap-tiap kali aku akan tercakap,
"Eh mak kau babi"
Kalau tak pun,
"Eh mak kau puki"
Kalau tak pun,
"Eh mak kau cibai"
Aku dah basuh mulut berjuta kali, tapi tak berkesan jugak. Mungkin aku kena jampi?
But don't take it personally, I have nothing against your mother. Especially if she's hot.
Time of Your Life
My brother just completed secondary school and was scouting for colleges to enroll in. So, before anyone jumped the gun, I talked to both my parents and my brother to consider taking a year off and not rush into college. I felt that it was the best thing he could possibly do at that time to grow as a person. Because going for classes, handing in assignments and sitting for exam doesn't do that for you.
I've noticed through experience that the majority of college students lack the maturity and exposure to truly survive and thrive in school. It's odd really, seeing seemingly adult students not wearing uniforms but reflecting the image and way of thinking that of a secondary school kid. I thought to myself that something has got to be wrong somewhere when there is such an alarming number of cases like these. Isn't it odd when you know that so many of your friends and friends of friends have absolutely no idea what they're doing and where they're heading to? That most of them have no clue as to what they want out of life?
The root of the problem stems from the educational system, upbringing and culture. Our system teaches us to memorize facts, not think. Our system tells us what to do, not question why. Our system spoon feeds us, not to be proactive. And as a result the factories of substance-less so-called educational institutions of lacklustre quality produces clueless robots. How else do you explain the high unemployment rate among fresh graduates? How else do you explain the lack of human capital? How else do you explain highly skilled workers exporting their talents and trades overseas?
All these questions do not need any answer. It's been lying bare naked on the ground unnoticed and unquestioned for far too long. Queries need to be poked at to seek solutions to this pathetic epidemic. Changing a system that has been set in stone for decades is a pretty daunting task, to say the least. But there is always a way out, through, and over the problem. Which brings me back to the dialogue I had with my parents and my brother; to take a year off.
I remember how school was like. It was a safe, comfortable and fun environment. Despite being a curious reader of everything under the sun, I wasn't aware of anything much aside from that cocoon called adolescence. What you know or read or listen about is of no comparison to what you go through and learn and experience. College and university on the other hand is an entirely new, independent and free terrain. In that place we get to meet people from all walks of life and we're exposed to many, many more things, in the most general sense of the word. There is just such a big disparity of experiences between secondary school and university. Diving head first without adequate preparation can be pretty disastrous.
Which is exactly why one too many students struggle during their college and university years. Simply because they didn't bridge that gap. It was a leap too soon, too rash, and too hasty. Taking time off gives an opportunity for those pimpled-face kids to put one foot in the real world, experience new things, meet new people, learn and be exposed to things they never thought even existed. Even a number of Ivy League universities in the States, including Yale, have proposed to give prospective students one year off before they enroll in their first year.
There's that time, that once in a lifetime chance, for them to do whatever the hell they feel like doing. Work, volunteer, travel, anything is possible. It's a time that they can afford to make mistakes, and learn from it themselves without getting an hour long lecture from the parental unit, without getting detention, without others telling and instructing them what's the right thing to do. It would be the first time in their lives that they experience what it feels like to be an adult, to be your very own person.
The world being as competitive as it is propels parents to push their kids through education as fast as possible and graduate as quick as possible with as many As as possible so they can kick start their career at as young of an age as possible. There's too many that have and are partaking in this ridiculous rat race to which the majority of the herd losses their way half of the time and the winners end up being a very vague (and sometimes pure lucky) minority. Which begs the question; has that always been the formula to success? If you say yes, I strongly suggest you slap yourself and forget whatever you've read because clueless robots suck.
If doing what's "normal" proves to be a path to success, then we would still be a non-Federated land under the imperial rule of the British, Islam would have never made it as a recognised religion, and we'd be at least a few hundred years behind because countless of other would've-been creators, innovators, revolutionaries, movers and shakers didn't take that road less taken, didn't thought outside of the box, and didn't go against the grain of order.
Mission Not So Impossible
A few years ago, some friends and I went downtown for a class assignment. On the way back we planned to get some DVDs to go back home and watch. We passed by a street vendor and decided to browse through. After what seemed like an hour or so, we got a bunch of stuff. Including porn. So we went home and put on the first CD. We waited and waited, and a guy come on screen. So, okay, and we waited some more. And another guy appeared. "Oh a menage a trois!", we thought. Complete oblivious fools we were, and we waited and waited like patient Buddhist monks. And suddenly, the both of them got naked and went into the bathtub. By then the rest of my friends shrieked like a bunch of high school girls and yelled in perfect unison "Shit! Gay porn!". So apparently those uber expensive "special" DVDs were fake after all. Fucking wankers.
I was pissed, to say the least. But, thankfully, I got his number. Instead of calling and screaming every profanity known to man, I waited till the next day. I went out, bought a DiGi prepaid number, added the DVD vendor's number to Friends & Family, and begun texting him.
After a few weeks of texting no less than 20-30 text messages of excerps from Bible verses, he messaged me back. "Gua cari lu punya keluarga gua bunuh semua! Pukimak lu! Lu ingat gua siapa!". And I continued on with more messages. One day, instead of getting a dial tone, I got a "The number you have dialed is not in service". Mission accomplished.
Last week, I got into an accident. Long story short, a massive trailer "bumped" into my car. On purpose. After exchanging some public theatrical display of middle fingers, we pulled over and I took down his plate number and phone number. I was having a bad week and that incident just completely fucking blew everything out of the water. But this time around I won't trouble myself like the last time with the "accidental" gay porn incident. I'll get others to do the work for me.
I'll create a profile and copy paste on a number of well-known transexual escort sites and gay dating pages. I'm also planning to go on mIRC and spread the number around a few very well-known gay channels. It's so easy to find a fuck there I shit you not. I'm thinking about about keeping that number, so in future whenever I fill out forms or in any case I need to give out my number, I'll use that number. Hence, more spamming.
Expect a lot of texts and calls from horny strangers looking for some cock. If that lorry driver happens to be single, gay and horny, he better thank me later in hell. If not, well, hopefully when I ring in a couple of months time I'd get a "Nombor yang anda dail tiada dalam perkhidmatan".
Acoustic & Poetry at Lepaq
For the first time, Lepaq Performance Arts Cafe will be hosting Acoustic & Poetry @ Lepaq a unique showcase featuring acoustic music and poetry reading! This is a must watch for music and poetry lovers alike. And if you've never been to a show like this, why not make this the first time? New experiences are always refreshing and rejuvenating. There's always a chance for pleasant surprises. And yes, this Saturday night will be full of 'em.
Poets that will be gracing the stage tomorrow night are Dizzy & The, Adam Kasturi, Wani Ardy, Ashraf Ishak, Nafisah Nadirah and Zara Ismail.
Hope to see all of you there this coming Saturday night!
Of Vague Perceptions
How convenient it is to sit on the other side of the fence and pass judgement on a matter when you are completely oblivious about the fact that you don't fully comprehend the situation objectively, logically, rationally. Like a cat deciphering a conversation between two persons. Like a blind man painting a picture of the sunset. Like a schizophrenic talking about quantum physics. Like a book writing it's own fictional story.
Would You Like to Blackmail Me?
There's a picture of me half naked covered in whipped cream. Another picture of me wearing nothing but a girl's hot pants. And another one of me half naked in a towel and my underwear on my head. And a mugshot of my bare ass bending over. All of which are not in my possession. Cun gila!
Yoga is Evil
"The National Fatwa Council will come out with a ruling on yoga exercise on Friday"
I get that Yoga is an important philosophical and spiritual component in Buddhism and Hinduism. And I get that Islam rejects worshiping idols and statues, and that most Hindu statues depicts their gods in a state of Yogic meditation (sitting crossed legs, with both hands rested on each knee). So, I suppose, that's the rationale behind National Fatwa Council's move to ban Muslims from practicing Yoga. It all boils down to the practice of Yoga's close links to the two religions. I mean, anything non-Muslim is pure evil right? Even though Buddhism is the only religion in the history of mankind to have never exercised violence in the name of religion, they're still pure evil. Right?
"When those involved take them as trends, such cultures can lead to a serious crime according to Syariah law and this can destroy the family institution", said Datuk Wan Mohamad Sheikh Abdul Aziz.
I have to agree with him. There is no doubt that practicing Yoga, sitting crossed legged like a Hindu god, stretching arms and legs, and controlling your breathing, will lead you astray from the teachings of Islam, castrate yourself from your family and the rest of Muslim brothers and sisters, and eventually shake the very foundations of Islam. Mimicking any action that is similar to anything other than Islam can "lead to a serious crime". It is also quite "trendy" to take up an activity such as Yoga, therefore this "cult" has a potential to convince Muslims to deviate from the teachings of Islam. Yes, stretching limbs and breathing can actually be that seductive, powerful and evil.
I would like to propose to the National Fatwa Council to include in a few more in their what-to-ban-next-because-we-ain't-got-shit-to-do list. These additions might help feed their boredom, those poor old foggies.
The Council should take these into account as well,
- Television
- Internet
- Non-Islamic clothing
- Magazines
- Music performances
- Cinemas
- Non-Islamic books
- Close relationships to non-Muslims
- Intimate conversations with non-Muslims
- and many, many, many, many, many, many more.
There are just too many things that are plaguing the Muslim community. The evil Western culture has infiltrated into the minds and souls of our young ones through mediums such as the Internet, television, magazines, and concerts. Even if you're an Ustaz or Ustazah with a vast knowledge of Islam and having an iman as tough as diamonds, demonic activities such as Yoga can still lead you astray and ultimately send you to Hell for all eternity.
Islamic councils worldwide must join forces and erase all these terrible, terrible demons (e.g. technology). We must save ourselves and our souls. For the sake of our family and fellow Muslim brothers and sisters.
And the only way that we can ever flourish and eventually book a one-way ticket to Heaven is to nuke our asses back to the 4th century BC. Where our only form of amusement is juggling rocks, riding camels and peeing in the river. There won't be television nor the Internet to tarnish our beliefs. There won't be any dangerous activities to lead us astray.
Especially, Yoga.
p/s: Remember kids, if we ever become evil, it is never our fault, but always someone or something else's fault. Especially the kafirs.
